Your mum

– Tap the icon. Yes. – No, not that one. The other one. The one with the camera. – Have you got it? – Ok, yes. The camera icon. – Icon. – Eye. Con. – It’s a graphic. An image. A little square. It represents the app. – Yes. – Yes, an app. – An […]

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Up, high

“So, now what?” – What do you mean, “now what?” “I mean, how the hell am I going to get down?” – oooh. Yeah. Gotchya. Hmm. We could jump I suppose. “Jump? Are you serious? It’s at least 50 feet high!” – It’s more like 8, really. “Shut up. This is your fault. I never […]

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Time Management

– You really should start work, it’s twelve minutes past nine. “I’m very well aware of the time, thank you very much. It’s just that, well, I was going to finish my coffee before I start really working.” – You won’t though, will you? The dregs of your coffee are already stone-cold. You’ve had it […]

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Malcolm, Mildred, Jason and Joy

Malcolm and Mildred had lived here for years. At first just a house, they’d eventually made it their home. Mildred was pregnant, and if history (and the size of her tummy) were anything to go by, she was pregnant with septuplets. At this stage in proceedings Malcolm had taken on the role of hunter-gatherer. Every […]

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That Flag

That flag up in my window, the one of red and white It doesn’t mean I’m racist, or looking for a fight. It doesn’t mean I’m ‘chav-scum’ or ‘simple’ and on the scrounge. It doesn’t say I’m full of hate, or I’d kick you when you’re down. That flag displays my passion, support for England’s boys. It shows […]

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