The Great Beyond

“One day we’ll be looking down from up there and we’ll laugh about all of this,” Katie looked for recognition but Piers didn’t flinch.

“Do you believe,” she started.

“If you’re asking whether I believe that you and I will ride off into the sunset with our heads held high, troubles lost in a cloud of memories, our bloodied hands washed away by the dusk-drenched rivers, and our souls purified by a greater power then…” he paused. Katie fingered the cross around her neck.

“I think we’ve probably pissed him off. Just how forgiving do you think he is?”


Here’s a little 100-worder for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. Please feel free to comment, critique, like or subscribe for more!

Want to hear me read this to you? 

Oh, and don’t forget to check out the other stories based on this picture.

rogers-sunset

Advertisements

44 thoughts on “The Great Beyond

  1. Nice. I like the fact that they could be talking about some bad but normal event they’ve both been party to, or something much greater than themselves – like ruining the planet – and ‘him’ is some God-like being.

  2. Beautifully written. I like where the prompt took you, I went to a similar place. I agree with Sandra the third paragraph was artfully crafted to create doubt and questions.

  3. Interesting — I like how the “bloodied hands” might be literal (in which case, yeah, their god might not be so forgiving) or figurative, in which case he might be talking about anything. And yet, don’t we all at one time feel guilt about deeds done or undone and wonder if we deserve forgiveness?

  4. You ramp up the tension well. Katie’s first line could apply to thwarted aspirations, or general misery. Then you introduce ‘bloodied hands’, which could be literal or metaphorical, but definitely nudges the reader in the direction of serious transgression. Your last line of course introduces the thought that Piers suspects that what they’ve done may be unforgivable; and that really makes the imagination work overtime. Murder? Mass murder? Murder of a close family member for their money?
    BTW I think maybe you mean wash their bloodied hands clean, rather than wash their bloodied hands away, which conjures up a rather grisly vision of severed limbs…

    1. Thanks for reading. Hmm, I think you’re technically right but it doesn’t scan as well – and I’m always wanting to hit that 100 word limit on the nose so occasionally things do slip. Thank you for the feedback!

  5. Loved the imagery here. Bloodied hands, and fingering the cross. Such is human nature to justify wrong doings – you captured this well. But Piers seems to at least realise the evil of their deed.

  6. Loved listening to you read your story (lovely voice) and that you left us questioning the “what” they have done to “whom”… Beautiful descriptions.

Don't be shy, leave a reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s