Your mum

– Tap the icon. Yes.
– No, not that one. The other one. The one with the camera.
– Have you got it?
– Ok, yes. The camera icon.
– Icon.
– Eye. Con.
– It’s a graphic. An image. A little square. It represents the app.
– Yes.
– Yes, an app.
– An application.
– It’s a little programme inside your phone.
– No.
– No, not like Eastenders.
– A computer programme.
– Yes.
– No, I know you’re not on the computer.
– No, I don’t want you to turn the computer on.

– Have you turned the computer on?
– Mum?
– Mum, turn the computer off.

– Are you looking at your phone now?
– Ok, good.
– Tap the camera icon. The square. The square with an image of a camera in it.
– Got it?
– Have you got it?
– No, a camera. Not a tap.
– No, I know there aren’t any pictures of taps.
– I meant touch. Touch the square with a camera in it.
– Ok. Great.
– Now, I need you to take a photo.
– Take a photo.
– Take…
– Take a…
– What do you mean, “where do you take it from?”
– No I…
– Mum?
– Mum?

– Where did you go?
– The back bedroom? Why?
– Mum, why did you get the big photo album?
– No, I didn’t.
– No. I said, “take a photo.”
– What do you mean, “which one?”
– No, I don’t want you to take a photo from the album.
– Yes, with the phone. You wanted to show me the new carpet.
– Ok. No, I understand
– It’s very complicated, yes.

– No, no, I’m still here.
– Do you have the camera app open?
– On your phone, yes. Does the screen look like a camera.
– No, you’re right. It looks like your table. Yes, that’s right.
– Yes, sorry, I should be clearer.
– So press the button and take the picture.

– Have you taken it?
– Have you?
– I’m not rushing you.

– Have you…
– …ok good.
– Now you need to send it to me.

– No.
– No mum, I know your printer is broken. I know. That’s not…
– Mum…
– Mum…
– Mum. I’ll fix your printer the next time I see you.
– Yes.
– That’s right.
– I need you to email it.
– Yes, like you did with the photo of dad and the bucket of fire.
– Mm. How is he now, by the way?
– Still sore? Well it did go all the way up his thigh, to be fair.
– Yes, yes it was a bit silly.
– I know, yes, he can’t hold it like he used to. You’re right.
– Have you found the email button?
– The arrow. The share arrow. No, not like Robin Hood.
– No, I know it doesn’t say “share” but that’s what it does.
– Ok, have you touched that button?
– The share button. The arrow.

– Good. Ok, now the email button.
– Yes, the one that looks like a letter.
– Write my name.
– No, MY name. Yes. My name.
– No, not “myname”. Type, Peter.
– Ok?
– Ok.
– Now send it.
– Send.
– Press send.
– Yes, send.
– Ok. Got it.

– Yes. Yes, that was easy, wasn’t it.

unnamed


 

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5 thoughts on “Your mum

  1. NOoo. did that really happen??? I can sooooo see this with my mum! LOL! Sometimes it is difficult to talk to people who are very literal in their thinking. We take so much for granted in our language! 🙂

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