This is where you are and this is what we're doing

I long to play some football, my circle isn’t interested in that sort of thing and the extended ring to which I once belonged is now a fading memory; my waistline, in contrast, is an ever expanding reality.

My thumbs are as fit as fiddles – if fiddle thumbs were a thing, they’d be challenging in all sorts of competitions, winning little fiddle thumb trophies and signing autographs for fiddle thumb fans from all four corners of the world.